Forever and Always
by JustASmallTownGirl123
Summary: She has become a wife and a widow in the span of a few minutes, but he promised to wait for her, so she will get through it. For him, for their child; for forever and always. *Character death.*


Forever and Always

Olivia looks across the table at the vacant chair and cold plate of food. It is their first anniversary and he is an hour and a half late. She glances out the window of their small two bedroom house and hates the feeling she gets in the pit of her stomach when she finds the driveway still empty. Something is definitely not right, he would have called, she is sure of this.

She fingers her own cell phone nervously and instead of calling him for the umpteenth time she tries Maureen's number. She remembers that he'd mentioned before she left for work that he was going to stop by his eldest daughter's house to visit with his three month old granddaughter. She smiles briefly as she pictures little Sarah, who as luck and genetics would have it, has the same beautiful blue eyes as her grandfather.

Maureen answers after the fourth ring, sounding preoccupied, and it is evident that Sarah is the reason as the child can be heard wailing in the background. She asks hopefully, if Elliot is still there and her heart sinks when Maureen tells her that he left a few hours ago. She doesn't know why she expected good news and after they say their goodbyes Olivia hangs up, her heart feeling heavier now than before she had called.

She puts the phone back in its stand and walks to the window, hugging her arms to herself in an attempt to calm down. It doesn't work and she jumps a few seconds later when the shrill ring of the phone echoes through the house. She walks the few short steps into the kitchen where she left the phone and answers hesitantly.

"Hello?"

"Is this Olivia Benson?" The voice is professional, crisp, and absolutely void of all emotion.

Her stomach is instantly in knots, "Y-yes."

"You are listed as Elliot Stabler's Next of Kin, is that correct?"

She wants to tell the woman no, that she is not and whatever has happened to him isn't real, but she doesn't. "Yes, I am."

"You should come in, we aren't sure how long he has." She delivers this devastating blow in such a matter-of-fact tone that Olivia almost doesn't believe her.

"O-okay, I'll be right in." She writes down the address of the hospital, the wing and floor he is on, and then hangs up.

She rushes around the apartment, blowing out the candles on the table, making sure the stove is off, and putting both of their plates of food in the fridge. Looking back, she will find these actions stupid, five minutes are wasted and for what? She doesn't know and the only thing she can come up with is that she is in shock. This isn't supposed to be happening.

He resigned from the force last year after the shooting in the precinct, he's a civilian now, which is hard to believe, but it means that things like this shouldn't be happening anymore. Maybe this will be the last time.

This thought crosses her mind as she's walking outside to her car and she almost gets sick right there in the middle of the sidewalk. She swallows thickly and shakes her head, she can't think like that. She hops into her car and once the car comes to life with the turn of her keys she flips on her siren and pulls out onto the street.

On her way to the hospital her mind wanders back to December, the 25th to be exact, the day he'd asked if she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with him. He'd actually been a little more romantic than that. There had been flowers sent to her at work that morning and when she's arrived home there were little notes around the house leading her out to the backyard. Each note had a single word written on it and when she had collected them all there had been only one part missing.

Will. You. Be. My. Forever. And.

The last post-it held the word 'Always', and he'd down on his knee in the grass holding it up in one hand while the other contained a ring. She glances at the diamond resting in the middle of her left hand and remembers the huge grin that had broken out on his face when she'd said yes. She grips the steering wheel tightly and wonders fleetingly if they'll get forever and always.

Thankfully there is a spot open right by the entrance to the hospital and she swings into it, quickly puts the car in park and turns off the engine. Now that she's here, the fear in the pit of her stomach grows stronger and she thinks she might not be able to make it in the door, but the nurse's words keep ringing through her head and she pushes past the fear and trudges inside. She walks up to the front desk where a woman sits busy filing various papers in multiple binders.

She clears her throat, "I'm hear to see my fiancé, they said he was in the east wing on the fourth floor."

The nurse looks up and her expression is one of pity, "That's ICU, have you been up there before?"

"No...um...I..." She can feel her throat closing up and she forces her tears to stay put, but the look the woman is giving her isn't helping.

"I can take you up." The woman gives her a small smile and they walk over to the elevators.

When they reach his floor, the woman from the front desk speaks briefly with a man at the nurses' station, the whole time they are glancing at her sadly and she almost can't take it. She wants to scream at them to just tell her already. She isn't made of glass, their words won't break her; at least she hopes not.

They both approach her after a few more minutes and the woman says goodbye after introducing Elliot's doctor, whose name is quickly forgotten as they make their way through the various halls leading to Elliot's room. She half-listens as he explains what happened only catching phrases like, 'tried to help', 'guy had a gun', 'lost a lot of blood in surgery', and the final blow, 'don't expect him to make it through the night.'

They finally arrive outside his room and the doctor lays a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Are you ready?"

She shakes her head, "No, but I don't really have much of a choice do I?"

He squeezes her shoulder once before he opens the door and despite her attempt at trying to keep it together the moment she lays eyes on him, looking so weak and defenseless in the hospital bed, she loses it. A fresh wave of tears spills down her cheeks and she rushes over to the bed, grabbing his hand and squeezing it so tight she worries she might break it, but she doesn't even think about loosening her grip on him. Not now, not when these might be the last hours she gets to spend with him.

He looks up at her, and his eyes that are clouded with pain seem to brighten at her arrival, "You came."

"Of-of course I c-came." She whispers, her voice catching several times.

"Oh, Liv. It's okay. Don't, don't cry." He says and she finds it odd that he's doing the comforting when it should be the reverse.

"It's not okay, Elliot." She whispers, wiping at her cheeks. "What the hell did you think you were doing anyway, huh? When you resigned from the squad stuff like this was supposed to stop happening."

He chuckles quietly, "Yeah, looks like we were wrong about that."

She sits down in the chair conveniently placed by the bed, her hand never leaving his, "This isn't funny. What am I going to do without you? We just closed on that house outside of the city and you know I have no idea what to do with a fixer-upper."

"Yeah, I'm not to fond picturing you with power tools." He smiles.

She smiles back, but her grin is replaced by a frown and a few tears trickle down her face when she remembers what she had been planning to tell him at dinner that night. "El, you c-can't-this can't b-be it. I don't know how..."

He removes his hand from hers to cup her face, brushing his thumb over the wetness below her eyes. "Liv, don't worry about the house. It's not important."

She shakes her head, "I'm not worried about th-the house. El, I-I'm, we-we're..." She lets out an unexpected sob and he grabs her hand again just as she whispers, "Baby."

She can tell that this string of mixed up words confuses him momentarily, but then he understands what she's saying and she swears there are tears in his eyes. "You're pregnant."

She nods her head and covers her face with her hands as sobs wrack her body. She doesn't know how she's going to do this without him. They are both in their forties and this child had originally seemed like an impossibility after they had tried for a year with no results. Now she was finally pregnant and he was dying, the cruelness of the situation was almost palpable.

"This isn't fair." She says into her hands, not yet ready to look into his face again. "Everything has been going so well, the wedding is in a month, I'm finally pregnant and then you had to go and get yourself shot."

"Liv." He lays a hand on her arm and when she doesn't respond he tries to pull one of her hands away from her face, "Olivia look at me."

She removes her hands from her face and is surprised to find his expression calm and collected. "Why do you seem so...okay with this?"

"I'm not, I've just accepted that I can't change it and I don't want to dwell on it so that I can make the most of what I've got left." He says, and he pauses before continuing. "Olivia, you have to promise me something."

"What?" She asks, wiling to promise him anything.

"When you tell our kid about me, don't paint me as some hero who died trying to do the right thing." He responds, leaving her feeling completely confused.

"What do you mean?" She questions.

"What I did...it was stupid." He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not a cop anymore and I shouldn't have acted like it. Not when I've got so much to lose. Because of my stupid mistake I'll never get to call you my wife and-"

He suddenly erupts into a fit of coughing and it scares her because it is the first outward sign, besides his too pale skin, that this will not be ending well. When he's done she hands him a cup of water from the bedside table and wipes the away the blood that has trickled down to the corner of his mouth.

"Don't make me the hero, that's all I'm asking." He finishes, closing his eyes tiredly.

"I'll try." She knows this is the most she can promise, because after thirteen years of partnership and numerous close calls, she doesn't think she'll be able to make him into anything but a hero. "I have a question for you now."

"Okay." He answers, opening his eyes to look at her.

"Would you still marry me? If there was a way we could still get married, would still do it?" She asks already hitting the call button for the nurse, am idea formulating in her head.

"Of course, but what does that have to do with anything?" He asks just as a nurse walks in.

"Did you need something?" She asks.

"Yeah, could you get the chaplain?" The nurse looks at her sadly but she shakes her head, "No, we don't want one because he's dying. Well we do, but it's not because of that exactly-"

"We want to get married." Elliot interrupts and she looks back at him, thankful that he seems to have caught on and is going along with her idea.

The nurse smiles, and gives them a nod. "Of course, I'll bring him right up."

Thirty minutes later the aging but soft-spoken chaplain stands at the foot of Elliot's bed with his bible along with the nurse who brought him and Elliot's doctor; both having agreed to be witnesses. When it comes time for the rings Olivia opens her mouth to tell him they don't have any, but the doctor, she remembers now that his name is David, David holds out his hand and she is surprised to find two gold bands sitting in his palm.

"One of my patients and his wife heard what was going on and offered to let you borrow theirs." He explains.

Olivia takes them and hands Elliot the smaller one that is meant for her before she begins to say her vows, "I love you so much that sometimes it feels like my heart might explode. I can't imagine my life without you, but I guess, I guess I'll have to start."

She pauses briefly as a few tears escape and she takes a deep breath, continuing when he gives her an encouraging smile. "Anyways, I want you to know that no matter what happens I will always love you. I've wanted forever with you since the first time we met, and even though we've only had a year to explore this new thing between us, I won't forget a single minute of it. I want and still want forever and always with you. I promise to tell our child everything about you, he will know how great of a man you were even if you don't see yourself as the hero I know you are. I promise to keep your memory alive in him and I promise never to forget you.

Her throat catches on the last word because she realizes she's already accepting his death before its even happened. He takes her hand and gently squeezes it, "It's okay."

"I...I love you." She whispers, and slides the borrowed ring on his finger and even though she has so much more to say she doesn't think there will ever be enough time to tell him everything he means to her.

As she'd been talking she had registered that the beeps coming from the heart monitor had been steadily decreasing and as he started to say his own vows, she knew that this was it.

"Olivia." He breaths her name like it is gold and she will never forget the way he looks at her longingly as he continues. "I'm sorry it took me thirteen years to figure out that you were all I ever wanted. We could have had so much more time together, but I wasted it."

He coughs here and she takes the cloth the nurse offers her and gingerly wipes the crimson liquid from off his mouth.

He takes a deep breath and she can hear the wheezing in his chest, "I asked you to be my forever and always, and I still mean that. I promise I will wait for you. If you live to be a hundred and ten I will still wait for you, because I love you and when I said forever and always I meant it. Just remember that, even if I'm not with you...I am. Do you understand?"

She nods as hot, salty tears roll down her face. "I do."

He laughs, and she will always remember how that even then the sound was full of love and happiness, "I'm not sure if its time for that yet."

They both look up at the chaplain who motions for Elliot to put the ring on Olivia's finger, and with a shaking hand and some assistance from her, the band slides neatly on top of her engagement ring.

"Olivia, do you take Elliot to be your husband?" They'd asked him to skip the sickness and health portion, because it was obvious it would soon no longer apply,

"I do." She answers, her eyes locked onto the pair of cerulean blue ones that are slowly fading.

"Elliot do you-"

"I do." He interrupts and she knows its because he thinks they will run out of time.

"Then by the power-vested in me, by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

It's finally official and she doesn't wait for him to give them permission to kiss. She leans down swiftly and lays her lips gently over his, doing her best to convey through touch how much she loves him and at the same time how much she will miss him. When she pulls back her hand still cupping his face, he is smiling at her.

"I love you, Olivia Stabler." He whispers, so quietly she can barely hear him.

"I love you too." She kisses him one last time and as the beeps become further and further apart she keeps her hand firmly linked with his.

He flatlines a few short minutes later, and after the doctor proclaims him dead and calls the time, she gently pushes his eyelids down so he looks like he could be sleeping and kisses his forehead. She leaves the room and waits until she is alone in the bathroom with the door locked to break down. Strangled sobs wrack her body violently and her stomach finally heaves and churns enough so that she finds herself leaning over a toilet emptying her stomach into it.

She has become a wife and a widow in the span of a few minutes and in a few short months she will give birth to her dead husband's child. She has already decided that if it is a boy she will name him Elliot and even if she has to enlist the work of Fin and Munch, she will renovate the house on that hill out in the country until it is just like they pictured it. He promised to wait for her, and even though living without him will be the hardest thing she has ever had to do, she will get through it. For him, for their child; for forever and always.


End file.
